Bedtime stories for sulky adults -- #1

The Mutton Messiah
as told by UJ

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who lived with his family and their sheep.

Every morning, the little boy would take his family's sheep out to a pasture to graze.

He always carried a stick so that he could chase off any foxes that tried to eat his family's sheep.

There were many foxes.

One day, a fox sneaked up to the boy's sheep while he was daydreaming.

The fox almost got one of the sheep, but the boy leapt up at the last second and chased after the fox with his stick.

The fox ran into the woods. The boy ran after it. The fox ran. The boy waved his stick.

The fox ran into a clearing in the woods. It stopped and turned around, panting. The boy stopped in front of the fox. He was also panting.

The boy held his stick up to beat the fox. The fox said: "Don't kill me. You can't kill me."

The boy asked: "Why can't I kill you? You were going to eat my sheep!"

The fox replied: "You can't kill me for wanting to eat your sheep, because you eat your sheep too. We are both murderers; we are both guilty."

The boy thought about this. He lowered his stick. Finally he said, musingly: "You know what, you are right. The sheep are innocent." The boy then raised his stick thoughtfully and killed the fox.

The boy went home. The fox went after him, dragged by its tail on the ground. The boy ruminated the whole way home, his head down, his stick dripping.

The boy entered his house. The fox entered after him. The boy's family was gathered around the dinner table, waiting for him.

The boy announced: "From now on, we are not going to eat sheep anymore, because sheep are innocent. Instead, we are going to eat foxes, because foxes are guilty murderers who prey on innocent sheep." And then he dropped the fox on the table and said: "Dinner is served."

The boy's family chewed thoughtfully on the fox.

From that day on, the little boy and his family did not eat their sheep.

Every morning, the little boy would take his family's sheep out to a pasture to graze.

He always carried a stick so that he could kill and bring home any foxes that tried to eat his family's sheep, which they kept as bait.

The End