The Untouchable Ursa
as told by UJ
Once upon a time, there was a fisherman who lived with his wife in the north.
Every morning the fisherman would get up, put on his thickest coat and gloves, and walk out of the door quietly so as not to wake his wife.
He always carried a fishing pole and a bucket, and sometimes a stool too, on the days that his arthritis kicked in.
The fisherman would walk west. When he reached the lake he always went to, he would cut a round hole in the ice. Then he would dip his bait and line into the small hole and wait.
There were not as many fishes as he would like.
After a morning of fishing, the fisherman would go home for a quick lunch, prepared by his wife. After lunch he would take that morning's spoils to the market in the east. There, he sold the fish he caught.
He did this every day, but
one day, a polar bear lumbered into the fisherman's view while he was daydreaming.
"ROAR! Give me all your fish!" The polar bear said.
The fisherman leaped up and gathered his pole and bucket in a panic. He ran from the lake. The bear ran after it. The fisherman ran. The bear roared.
The fisherman stopped running when he realized he had nowhere to hide within the north's wide open spaces. He stopped and turned around, panting. The bear lumbered to a stop in front of him. It was panting but slightly.
The bear repeated: "Give me all your fish!"
The fisherman tried: "But I can't give you all my fish, or I will have nothing to eat!"
The bear said: "You won't have anything to eat with if you don't give me all your fish!"
So the fisherman gave the polar bear all his fish. He went home with an empty bucket and ate the lunch his wife prepared. Afterwards he did not go to the market in the east. He slept instead.
For one week the fisherman returned to the lake in the west, where he resumed his routine. The only change was that he needed his stool almost every day of that week.
Exactly one week after the first encounter with the polar bear, the fisherman was daydreaming when the polar bear once again lumbered into view with a roar.
"Give me all your fish!" The bear growled.
"No! What will I sell if I give you all my fish?"
"You won't have anything to sell with if you don't give me all the fish! ROAR!"
And so the fisherman gave the bear all his fish. He went home with an empty bucket and ate the lunch his wife prepared. Afterwards, he put on his thick coat and gloves and walked to the market in the east. He visited the blacksmith and returned home with a black box.
He did not sleep.
The next morning, the fisherman did not put on his thick coat and gloves. He did not walk to the lake in the west. Instead, he sat just outside the front door of his house and waited.
Sure enough, just before lunchtime the polar bear lumbered into view at the fisherman's house.
"ROAR! Give me all your food!"
"No! How will I feed my wife if you take all my food?"
"You won't have a wife to feed if you don't give me all your food!"
The fisherman entered his house. The bear entered after him. The fisherman's wife was crouching behind the door, waiting for them.
The fisherman announced: "Now!" And the fisherman's wife sprung a trap right on the polar bear's left paw.
"ROAR!" The bear said.
"Haha!" The fisherman said.
"F.B.I! FREEZE!" Someone on the roof said.
The fisherman looked up. The bear looked down. A square of the roof fell in to reveal armed and uniformed men, their hair tousled violently by a hovering helicopter.
The uniformed men swarmed into the house. One of them twisted the fisherman's hands behind his back and said: "Sir, you are under arrest for attempting to kill a member of an endangered species. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
And they dragged him away to go to prison, but not before they freed the polar bear and nursed his wounds.
"ROAR!" The polar bear said after everyone had left. He lumbered around the house and ate all the food he could find. And then he lumbered over to a corner and ate the fisherman's wife.
The End
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